Written for Buddhist Psychology:

Karma and “Faith”

The equinox has passed and the trees are just starting to catch fire on their tips –
colorful reminders that the world is changing and turning. This is, of course, always the
case, but during the last few weeks the whirl and disorientation of transition has been
more acute than usual. My first semester of graduate school is picking up speed, and in
the fervor of work and thought it’s been easy to lose track of the fine thread at connects
my many ‘selves’ through time. Many things seem uncertain. From my academic
interests to my trans-continental relationship, the tenets of my life seem terribly fragile,
almost whimsical in their constructedness.

In this context of indeterminacy, abundant decisions, and almost suspended
selfhood, I’ve found it very interesting to weave the Buddhist idea of karma into my daily
life this week. Broadly speaking, karma means “action” – it was interesting to realize that
much (if not all) of the pain and confusion I’ve been feeling through a time of transition
has to do with deciding how I will act, both in a moment and in the long-term: How am
I going to budget my time? Which classes will I take? Who will I commit to, and how?
What do I want to do with my life? The idea of karma, which melds intention, action,
and result into a single concept, sheds light on the decisions I must make in the midst of
indeterminacy.

Particularly, I found it helpful to shift my attention in my action from external
reality (the circumstances and the result of my actions) to internal reality (the way
that I approach my action in each moment). I found that there was a lot of power and
comfort in surrendering control over circumstances and outcomes. When I look more
internally at my approach and reaction to my action, the question shifts from “What do
I want to do in my life?” to, “What kind of person do I want to become?” This shift in
perspective actually resonates strongly with an argument that Professor Ellen Langer (in
the Psychology department) was making in a class on decision-making that I sat in on
at the beginning of the semester. According to Langer, “cost-benefit analysis is always
retrospective,” “stress is caused by the idea that we have supreme control over the events
in our lives,” and “more and more studies are showing that planning is out.” In social-
scientific terms, Langer was advocating this same turning of focus from circumstance and
outcome to intention.

In our discussion of karma, the idea of confidence or faith (I believe the Pali
word is saddha) was particularly compelling to me, and subject to some internal
experimentation. It makes sense that a surrender of the need to premeditate and control
events and outcomes necessitates an internal state of trust. Particularly, I loved thinking
about “faith without an object.” Therefore, this week, I have tried cultivating faith or
confidence as an attitude or emotion, rather than a transitive state. I have found that,
when I am successful, a difficult moment can be completely transformed into something
positive. Rather than being paralyzed by mutually exclusive options in a network of
stressful decisions, I am able to move through a sequence of events and just… trust. Trust
that the moment is ok, and trust my future selves to deal honestly with future moments. I
hesitate to use words that are charged with Western religious connotations, but I sense a
profound grace in that attitude of faith.

As I move through these transitions, it has thus been very helpful to remind
myself that, despite the fact that I can’t fully anticipate and control circumstances, this
spinning, wobbly clay pot of a ‘self’ that I inhabit is easily plied through intention. I
will continue to remind myself that an attitude of simple, object-less faith can transform
my doubt and stress into a strange, irrational confidence that facilitates movement and
growth.