Do Nuns Miss Hugging? ...or... Ruminations on the Impermanence of Hair

Sister Molini is chanting as she takes out a heavy pair of shears and prepares to cut long curls. In Burmese, she sings of how hair is an impermanent element of our bodies that leads to the mistaken conception of self, and, as she snips, long swaths of hair fall lifeless into a white sheet. Then she takes out a single-bladed razor, and gently begins to shave.

We Westerners were given the unique opportunity to ordain as Burmese monks and nuns for a week, and the ceremonial head-shaving was the first step of the ordination process. Monks and nuns also have to adhere to 10 strict precepts--they cannot eat after 12:00 p.m., for example, and they must refrain from singing, dancing and listening to music. They are highly respected by all laypeople, and are expected to act with extreme restraint.

Now, I know what you might be thinking, but you are wrong. I did not ordain as a Burmese nun. I watched as the hair piled up into the white sheets, I watched the nuns change into robes the color of sandstone, and I bowed reverently to the 18 newly-ordained Western monastics.

The choice not to ordain was not a hard one for me, but I'm not entirely sure why. Is it because I don't want to shave my head again? (For new readers, I shaved my head almost two years ago in Fez, Morocco. This experience was not nearly as symbolic or beautiful as the ordination. As I rode through the Sahara desert on a camel with food poisoning and a newly shaved head, I remember thinking that the ridiculousness of my life had reached its culmination.) Is it because I enjoy eating dinner, or because I need to be able to handle money this week so I can go to the internet and write fellowship proposals? Is it because I think I will break the precepts? Is it because I'm afraid?

Whatever my reasoning, it appears that I am still to attached to the things of this world to become a Buddhist nun, even if just for a week. And the funny thing? I'm totally ok with that. I admire those of us who chose to ordain, but, while I appreciate many things about Buddhism, renunciation of things like hugging and dancing is not something I can completely reconcile. And maybe--even though I have already shaved my head--I really am attached to my hair.

And, like I mentioned in my last post, I'm excited like hell for the thousands upon thousands of lives it will take my highly un-enlightened self to sort things out.

Tomorrow we will throw the hair into the river.